One last lesson from Mr. Keating

Yesterday, a famous actor passed away. It has been reported a suicide by asphyxia by hanging.

There have been a lot of postings that are expected when a well loved celebrity passes away, as well as there were some postings I have seen why it's okay not to feel sad or remorse. However, in this case, since I feel that mental health is an issue that is still stigmatized or hushed until behind closed doors, I want to share why I am truly going to miss about Robin Williams, and one last lesson he taught me. 

First, I will miss him for some of the roles he played. 

I will miss him because as a kid I always wanted to be Aladdin, and the thought of having him as a best friend with magical powers would be great. 

I will miss him because when he disguised himself, just to be closer to his family in Mrs. Doubtfire his character taught me how great a bond can be with parent and child. 

I will miss him because when I was about 10 years old and just wanted to grow up, I saw the movie Hook and he taught me that even if you are such in a hurry to grow up, forget who you are, and to have fun there is always time to change that. 

I will miss him because when I was a senior in high school in a Psychology class, we watched Awakenings and he captured something that I hope to be whenever I grow up and that was a dedicated professional who powered through adversity. 

I will miss him because even though I never saw Dead Poet's Society until last night, I was reminded of the importance of the right influence of a teacher can be. He reminded me so much of so many teachers and professors I had that I felt incredibly blessed and humbled. 

Second, I will miss him for his charity. 

There have been uploads and stories from citizens and veterans, a like of whom he would just take the time to entertain and try to make their lives better. 

Third, I will miss him for his stand-up.

Granted, I have only one album of his Stand-Up. I appreciated how raw, funny, vulgar, and how real he was. 

Fourth, I will miss him for his honesty.

It was during his stand-up, I learned about his demons (alcoholism, and cocaine abuse). He talked about this health problems with his heart, and his mental lows as well. Again, he was raw and real, he didn't try hiding who he was. He tried to better himself by going to rehab as well.

Now onto the reason behind the title of this entry. 

The last lesson I will learn from him is to talk things out and to be honest about how I am feeling. For those that don't know I have Bi-Polar Disorder, and with the territory comes extreme highs that will make you freakishly optimistic and happy, while at the same time extreme lows and depression can set in. 

Yes, even the Big "S" word, comes into play. Have I attempted it? Yes. Do I still think about it? Yes. But do I plan on acting on these thoughts? No. I feel a big reason not to commit it or attempt it is because of love. After seeing people's reactions to it, I tried my best to really focus on the people who were close to him like his family. 

I may never be famous for my writing or acting, or impact a fraction of the lives he did. But he did have loved ones that miss him. I think that people should know that they are loved, and that they will leave a void, when it's their time to go, especially if it's by their own hand. 

I plan on being honest with not just the people who want to know, but more importantly honest to myself. Especially if I need help. (I was on medication but weaned off of it, and I had seen a counselor for about a year and a half). 

Please, if you're ever considering suicide, just call a hotline, or reach out to a loved one. 

They're there. They are a gift, and so is life...don't waste it. 

Acting, Photography, and Writing....It's all about love.

So I realize this is my first post in a while, I promise to continue posting it's just been a hectic past few months. But as the title of this entry suggests, I am writing because my love of all these things.

Let's start

Acting:

I first started acting in High School. I originally took a Drama class in lieu of taking a Foreign Language. During my first year (Drama 1) we didn't get to do any plays, but we had to watch and review different performances. After watching a few, I loved the idea how a high school student could transform into anyone they wanted to.

With that being said, I auditioned for (Drama 2) for sophomore year and eventually Advanced Drama (Drama 3 and 4) for my Junior and Senior years. Through those years I played an Earthworm, Hades, and, even a Constable to name a few. After every role I ever played I learned something about myself. As I started college, I regretfully strayed away from any projects, it was only until I was in my third year in College, and later that I found my way back to the stage. I even eventually ventured into film, either way becoming someone or something else was incredibly therapeutic.

It gave me the privilege of being able to live many lives, at the same time it gives me the chance to appreciate who I am, and the life I am living. Sure some may be funny, like an Imprisoned Chef, a constantly tired member of the Watch, while others can explore darker and heavier parts of the psyche such as Hades, or my most recent film role as an Alcoholic who pushes his family away.

Either way, I start every rehearsal and shoot as myself, change into the character, and change it back.

I have had the privilege of walking away with memories and laughs with all the people I have worked with. But most of all I have the privilege of turning into myself, and making sure I mature and take lessons from each character played, and each life lived.

Photography:

This will be the shortest of the three.

As far back as I can remember I've always been impressed with cameras and what they do. However, I found my passion for photography at different points in my life. When I was a teenager, I would go around and try to take pictures with my phone, or a point and shoot camera, at things that would just interest me.

However, like acting I pretty much stopped, unless you count the mobile uploads over the years.

It wasn't until my first year at UCLA when I found the same impression left by cameras and the love for it. After being diagnosed with Bi-Polar Disorder, I was put on medications. These medications while stabilizing me, also left me at points extremely forgetful, and a lot of the time was put into a fog.

That's why I love taking pictures, because how my memory currently (and hopefully) works is by a quick reminder. Photos, digital or film, help me remember and jog my memory of different experiences with friends and loved ones.

During my last year in College, Photography became very important to me because I acted as a Staff Photographer,and I eventually invested into multiple cameras and lenses. Now I aspire to not just live life, but to document them as well.

Writing:

I started writing in the fourth grade. In fact I wrote poems for a long time, and still do, but during seventh grade I wrote my first thirty page story, and I am currently working on a semi-fictional, memoir of a novel.
Writing was my first outlet, and whether I am keep the words to myself, on paper or in the a computer, or in a spoken word event. Writing will always be an effective form of therapy.

I have always been unpredictable when it comes to the sharing of my writing. Sometimes I would show the people who act as muses. Others, have only seen the inside of my portfolio. Or at times I have just been so out there and performed my pieces to an audience that I hope wants to hear me.

At first it was for self-empowerment, now I share my writing in the hopes that people will not only be entertained, but it will give them an opportunity to an escape. An escape from whatever is bothering them. At the same time I know that nothing is permanent, but hopefully it will help them carry on.

Writing also gives me a chance to create a reality. Now don't get me wrong, I don't like to think that I am playing God or anything like that, but in a  world and reality of uncertainty, it's comforting and cathartic to me to know that I can create a world and a reality. A reality that can have real or realistic characters, and at the same time I can control the ending, whether it would be happy or realistic, or ideally both.

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Now all three forms of art, have been more than just art to me. They have been therapies and escapes. They have given me so many good memories to look back on, some temporary relief and freedom from present-day factors that can frustrate or worry me. All at the same time they gave me hope for the future.

The truth is the chances and cards are stacked up against me. As much as I would love to become a famous actor, a good one that people will say, "Oh let's see it!" or "Oh he's such a great actor, he really turns into the character." Chances are that I won't be the next Ansel Adams or a photographer of an image that can change the world. Lastly, chances are that I won't be the next J.K. Rowling or William Shakespeare. Chances are that I won't ever make my passions a means of living, or acquire fame and fortune from them.

But it's not about making it big, or becoming rich or famous.

It's that feeling when someone comes up to me after a show, or they have seen my work and tell me how much of a great actor I am. It's about that feeling when people tell me that they see one of my photos, and it captures their complete and undivided attention, whether they think it's a cute Bunny, or the fact that it's a beautiful sunset. It's about that feeling when people tell me how much they love the assortment of words I use to create a statement, question, or exclamation. It's about that feeling when people will come up to me and tell me how much they like or love my writing even after a few months.

In short, it's all about love.