April 26th- Seventh Drink Sobriety

Twelve noon, the surprise party was a success. my cousin did not expect a thing. His smile was priceless.
I was surrounded by family, I could not help but feel relaxed in this home style sit-down restaurant.
Drinks and food cover the tables while the sound of laughter could solve my personal mental crisis.
Soon after the lunch was over, I felt renew and refreshed as if washed from the water of a font.

Flash forward two hours, I sit and wait  on a windy beach waiting for the rest of our party to come.
Eventually more people show up and that is when the fun begins. Constant laughter surrounds the pit.
The fire was officially started, and the conversations and hearty laughter  through the weather so glum.
I quickly became enveloped and surrounded by old roommates and good friends it felt like a perfect fit.

The heavy winds continued to blow sand, and embers all over the pit and the friends that surrounded it.
Hot-dogs and marshmallows fully cooked all over the circle, friends dancing and laughing I am at peace.
The colors of the sunset paint the sky bright, and the sun finally sets, the orange fire remaining lit.
I look at the time and see I am running late. I said my byes, as I took one last look at the beach feast.

Drive on PCH with glass covered with dust, after getting lost a few times, I finally found the back-lot.
I see the celebrant, my friend and sit at a table, make some small talk, and begin to sit patiently.
Soon more and more people leave, I drink with the classic idiom and mantra, "waste not, want not."
As I drove home, my thoughts are how lucky I am to know such great people, my seventh drink sobriety.

April 25th- Act It Out

House lights turn off, get to my cue as fast and quiet, as I can. Move like a specter, do not be seen. 

Stay in total silence, do not move, do not speak, do not smile, wait for the stage lights to turn on. 

There I stood there dressed in pink, sunglasses on, white cane in hand, a blind earthworm at sixteen. 

Thought to myself here it goes, my role, my first play. Before I knew it the stage was brighter than dawn.

After my first few roles were said and done all I could think back of how I became interested in acting. 

I had to go back to a few years thinking of when I saw my cousin acting at her Pilipino Cultural Night. 

There she was, someone I saw every weekend, transformed into someone else, lost in acting and reacting.

I knew that night that acting would be something I wanted to pursue no matter how long and hard the fight.

From an Earthworm, to God of the Underworld and many more, acting lets me live many souls, many lives. 

Acting is a drug, the more I do it, the more I want. It gives a healthy escape from a mundane reality. 

My goal is to have many roles, many emotions, many actions (theirs or mine) for personal mental archives.

Acting is a constant and fulfilling therapy. Following every performance, I have a refreshed mentality. 

Acting not only gives me an escape, but it gives an escape for the cast, crew, and audience as well.

I step out of my shoes, and into another, I wipe my emotions and memories clear, to clear any doubt.

A job of the cast and crew is to give the escape for the audience, positive or negative, heaven or hell. 

Every action, emotion, and line gives me freeom, before every performance, I yell mentally, "Act It Out!"

April 24th- Write or Wrong

Words, words, words. People have asked me plenty of times of why I started writing so many years ago?
Words, words, words. The truth is I write so I let most of my heavy emotions. positive and negative go.
Words, words, words. Different ones made up of different letters, to make up different sentences.
Words, words, words. I use them to jump over my mental hurdles, and psychological fifty foot fences.

Poems, short stories, scripts, and soon a novel; they have given me a chance to tell stories from my mind.
Poems, short stories, scripts, and soon a novel; they have proved to be a cathartic and therapeutic find.
Poems, short stories, scripts, and soon a novel; they have made me feel that my life much more pleasant.
Poems, short stories, scripts, and soon a novel; they have all been reminders of one of a great present.

Some I publicly post, some I will keep hidden from the light of the day. All of them are special to me.
Some I publicly post, some I will keep hidden from the light of the day. All of them set my mind free.
Some I publicly post, some I will keep hidden from the light of the day. They ease my heart and soul.
Some I publicly post, some I will keep hidden from the light of the day. They lighten the mental toll.

Thoughts in my head, then ink on the paper, or words on a screen, it all silences my worries and troubles.
Thoughts in my head, then ink on the paper, or words on a screen, it all feels light just like bubbles.
Thoughts in my head, then ink on the paper, or words on a screen, this passion is truly lifelong.
Thoughts in my head, then ink on the paper, or words on a screen, I think the words, "write or wrong."

April 23rd-Immortalized in Time

Growing up I always loved the idea of cameras, and taking pictures. Let me take some to tell you why. 

Growing up I wanted to be a photographer. Whether it was of people, landscapes, or the wide blue sky.

Growing up I always to have a camera with me, either around my neck, or around my wrist it calmed me. 

Growing up I wanted to hold a camera in one hand, and  the ability to capture to whatever I could see. 

Flash forward almost two decades, I was twenty-three and on medications that I took every night. 

Flash forward almost two decades, I was twenty-three and these medications made me feel right. 

Flash forward almost two decades, I was twenty-three and could barely recall what I did during the day.

Flash forward almost two decades, I was twenty-three and felt my memory tragically deteriorating away.

At that point I just wanted to stop taking these pinkish-pale capsules that stabilized, but sedated me. 

At that point I knew it was not the wisest choice, they helped me a lot, but I just wanted to be free. 

At that point I then decided that I should take pictures, should help me remember the memories being made.

At that point I started to take pictures, hoping that memories will not continue to disappear and fade. 

I do not consider myself a professional photographer, so please do not think that I see myself as one. 

I do consider myself as an amateur photographer, and I love taking photographs when all is said and done. 

I consider it a privilege to live in such a place surrounded by beauty and many people that are sublime.

I consider it a major blessing to make these memories, these people, this life,and immortalized in time. 

April 22nd-Hopes At High Speeds

Three hours of sleep, two hour commute, three classes before I knew it I was on the road again. 

Sun was setting in my rear view, top was down and I admit thoughts of you came up now and then. 

The sky quickly turned into a blend of blues, pinks, oranges, and a unique type of purple. 

I thought about my current my barriers, internal and external every struggle, every hurdle. 

Soon after the sky was completely dark, my top was still down but my lights gleamed down the freeway. 

I have to admit I am still halfway troubled by my regrets, my worries, and my troubles so little leeway. 

Eyes and attention on the road ahead and around me, still haunted  by so many things I can not even see. 

That is not entirely true I can see them mentally, because these thoughts do nothing but consume me. 

I had to take a deep breath, count my blessings, instead of my burdens, and came to one conclusion.

I smile and laugh more as compared to frowning and crying less, I had to break this negative illusion.

Good and bad times never last forever, one can not exist with the other. I have to learn to embrace both.

Good and bad times exist in harmony, take it all in, both types are meant to facilitate personal growth. 

Refreshed, and excited what the future holds, that is one of life's greatest privileges and blessings. 

My headlights reveal the clear and open drive, I took it as solitude from my negative mental dwellings.

It is time to be thankful and grateful and not focus on the negatives. Time to see where this road leads.

I put my foot on the gas, watched the needles fluctuate, night wind in my hair, and hopes at high speeds. 

April 21st- Dreaming About Dreams

Been haunted by a couple of dreams, one during the night, and one during a nap during the day.
Reminded me of people I left behind, and my life's real aspirations, please just show me the way.
Tired of doing all these 180's, tired of feeling discontent, tired of living by others' expectations.
Told all my life that I should not build on what is not there, but damn it is hard to get  foundations.

Not going lie these cuts on my ego are reopening, and it looks like they cannot be stitched up.
I just want to be seen, examined, but not judged, I am in need of a mental observation and closeup.
People tell me they are listening and here for me, but I do not trust them as far as I can throw them.
I tried asking for guidance from up above, but I think I got a busy signal. Might as well just condemn.

Please do not pray for me, because I do not believe, save it for someone who is worth saving.
Tempted to drive too fast, tempted to drink this, to smoke that, just an unfulfilled craving.
Surrounded by people, I have a great support system, but truth is I never felt so alone.
People reading this might be saying, "He seemed so happy," but damn guess my cover is blown.

I try to keep a smile, I try to keep them laughing, but honestly they are not as genuine.
This may is a public venting session, but please do not regard this as a cry for attention.
It hurts to wonder about all the promises I made, now I am asking what is in it for me?
I do not want to think like this, so please do not get it twisted, I just want to let things be.

My pipe dreams, my crafts, my forms of therapy are something I really want to pursue.
But according to other people, according to our society, exactly what the hell I supposed to do?
I mean is it really time to just put up my pen and paper, my scripts, and my cameras for good?
No! I may have to let some things go, but not right now, I have to try, and just knock on wood.

April 20th-Mom, Orchids and Spoons

My mother has always loved flowers, one of her favorites is the orchids, there is still a lot by door.

To this day she is still one of the of most caring, compassionate, and wisest people in my life. 

By nature she is very mild mannered always keeps her calm and composure not once have I ever swore.

She is a loving aunt, daughter, sister, cousin, niece, friend, coworker, mother, and wife. 

As far back as I can remember she was there for me, making sure I was ready for what life threw at me.

Her faith has always inspired me. Indirectly or directly, Her faith still inspires me when times get hard.

Though she may not agree with others, she respects their view points, and let things and people be. 

She may be caring and understanding, but she is vigilant and you will never be caught off guard. 

Before my brother and I came into this world, she cared for others as a registered nurse. 

She was always there to lend a hand to anyone who asked for help, putting their needs first.

She taught me that it is love that makes you rich, not what you had in your wallet or purse. 

Always prepared, always ready, always rose above, and made the best of the worst of the worst. 

She collects spoons, how and when she started this hobby, I have never asked her. 

She always kept what she could until they were broken beyond repair, to have it just in case. 

As long as we we were not harming anyone or ourselves, she was there to cheer us, to concur. 

Always kept our kitchen full, our rooms clean, our lives in order, and created a warm home base.

There have been a few times, I would let my emotions get the best of me, and make her cry. 

They were never my proudest moments, I was five, fifteen, twenty, and twenty-four. 

If I am being honest, I have to admit that each time I did so, I just wanted to drive off and die. 

Always forgiving and understanding, she ended up making me feel better, loving galore. 

Growing up she never asked too much of me, go to school and make sure I get my college degree.

Always made sure I was well fed, well rested, and learned to slow down, wiser than I could ever see. 

She always supported my dreams,  however crazy, out of this world, far-fetched as they may be. 

She taught me to love honestly, and unconditionally, forgive, the only way I could feel peace and be free.

Whenever I can, I help her with her orchids and her flowers, that is how I feel I can really help her out.

The way she takes care of her flowers, as if they were people she sees the potential they have inside. 

Her orchids, I feel remind her of people, that is why she cares about them so much without a doubt.  

I have learned a lot from her, but most of all no matter what happens try to stay starry and bright eyed.