Glimpse of a Past Self

So my previous entry, I feel was a bit heavy, but in all honesty it needed to be said.

As I said, at the end of the last entry, I am about to show another part of my past. Again, I am not proud of myself.

I was cleaning out my room when I found my journal from seven years ago. And reading the entries, I ran into many grammatical and spelling errors. However, that wasn't the thing I was ashamed of. Before every entry, there was the date, time, and my current crush. Yeah, seriously you read that right.

What kind of a young teenage guy writes that? I think it's safe to say that I was a very unusual kid. Even some of the entries proved how odd I was, and how weird I was. Whoever my friends were all that time till now, Thank You. It couldn't have been easy.

Anyways, I stopped writing in that journal (thank God). I would hate to imagine what it would say. However, I decided that I will continue to write in the same journal and fill up the pages. The last entry was early in the year 2004. I decided that the next entry will take place 7 years, 7 months, and 7 days after the last entry. I swear, it won't have the Current Crush section, or as co-dependent the entries made me seem to be.

Now the point of this entry is like my last one. How you can't really change the past, and some times things you need to acknowledge. On the flip side somethings are better left in the past. Either way, I feel the goal is to have a better present and future. However, that could just be the optimist in me.

Best Regards and Wishes,

-Edmund

Coming Clean

I'm on facebook a lot. And I mean A LOT. Anyways, I noticed if you clicked on one of your friends, you can see the option of seeing the friendship. Which will show you basically how long you've been friends according to the site, as well as past comments or wall posts or whatever. I admit that I looked at different profiles and have seen the history that was stored in, now this would add a creeper point to some people, even to me but it was curiosity.

It definitely put some light on a few things. I'm not proud to say, that I have been told I was a creep or a weirdo..... [As a matter of fact one friend had told me about a game he asked two other friends saying on a scale of 1 to Edmund how creepy is that person] not going to lie that stung a little, okay it stung a lot. Truth is I can see now where some people will get that impression of me. I always contested that was a miscommunication. Now, let me say that there are some instances where it is true there was a misunderstanding, or I have acted stupidly and recklessly or maybe the person was paranoid in general I don't know.

However, there are some instances (through the past wall posts or comments) it seems to me that I am sort of nosy, or trying too hard to communicate with certain people. I can understand where I have received my unfortunate  reputation.

So whoever is reading this, if I have come off as that, I'm sorry I didn't mean to. It was who I was. I am not proud of it, I admit I am pretty ashamed by it. Am I letting it consume my thoughts and ruin my present and future? HECK NO.  As much as I dread my past self, I can't let it ruin me.

I assume this title makes sense now. This is my version of coming clean, of one of the more negative aspects of my personality. Do I have feelings of remorse and regret for who I was in this sense, HECK YES. Again, this is my confession, apology, and promise. Confessing the past, apologizing to who I hurt, and pushed away, and a promise that I am a better person, and still trying to be a better person of my past self.*

*My next entry will be about another aspect of my past self. I intend the next entry to be a little more comedic. Here's to hoping.

Best regards and wishes,

-Edmund