Droid-Free

First and foremost I hope everyone had a great holiday season and will continue to have great days too.

I just came back from switching to my Droid to my Casio Brigade :). It looks like a brick, and isn't a smart phone, but truth is this phone is perfect for me. It's durable, shock and water proof. It has a full keyboard for texting as well as emails.

This also means I won't be on facebook as much, only on my computer. I don't know this felt like a much needed change. I gave my uncle my Droid because we used his upgrade to get it in the first place, plus I can see him using it a lot more than I did.


Today was also the first day I drove my car in a month. I've been using the Volvo Sedan because of better gas mileage and we needed a new belt for my car. We replaced the belt about a week ago but I just kept on driving the Volvo because of convenience. On top of that I bought a new Ipod kit for my car as well.

These two changes were much needed for me and it's good to feel them.


While we are on the subject of the change, I found out my old work place (Spirit Halloween) is the home of a brand new gallery for home furniture. That actually what was the building was used for and they are using all 3 floors so that's great too! I applied this to my life right now on some of the upcoming big changes, and how everything will fall into place no matter how crazy things will get.

I hope that all of you will find comfort in what seems to be uncomfortable changes.

Well I'm done for now :)

Same Answer....Different Interpretation

I told someone how I felt about the, they didn't reciprocate those feelings.

She said saw me as a friend. For those of you who have known me for a very long time you know that I am no stranger to the friend zone or brother zone for that matter.

Let's be honest I never really reacted gracefully often not talking to that person for weeks, even months. Well that's not the case now. I'm actually still talking to that person and it seems like nothing changed. I am very excited about this.

I think this is sign that I am growing up. Instead of concentrating on the bad (the unrequited feelings), I focused on the good (the fact that I have such an amazing person in my life). This has definitely humbled me because I realize I know so much amazing people from different belief systems and different background, and they're all on different paths.


It was an eye-opening experience to take a step back and realize how blessed I really am.

I'll try my best to ALWAYS remember how BLESSED I am :).

Sunrise on a Cloudy Day

Last night was an odd night. Let's recount from my last entry since it's convient. After my last post [about 3 PM] I ended up taking an unexpected nap. Woke up around 7:30 PM, watched Beauty and The Beast and loafed around and ended up watching a puppet version of Dante's Inferno with my brother. I ended up falling asleep around 2:00 AM and waking up at 3:30 AM. Ever since then I'm tossing and turning. Right now at this point it's 5:45 AM. Normally if I'm up this early I open the curtains and watch the sun rise but, it's raining. I LOVE the rain but I kind of wish I could see the sun rise, bad enough I couldn't watch the Lunar Eclipse but there'll be others. :)

Today will be an interesting one, it is my first time at a new dentist office. Not to mention it will be my first visit in a while. It's funny I just had bad experience with my dentists before so after awhile it just got old, didn't exactly help that my previous dentist was also a family friend. Anyways, my brother told me the new dentist is really nice so that will be a much needed change. With that in mind, I am not scared of what's going to happen in 4 hours.

After that I have to call in for Jury Duty. Here's my process so far with the jury duty process: 1) Had to call in last Friday at 5 PM, the line was busy so I had to check the information online. 2) Had to call yesterday at 12 Noon to see if I need to report yesterday afternoon, well it redirected me to call again 12 Noon today. I'm going to be extremely annoyed if they tell me to call tomorrow at 12 Noon.

My friend told me she had to go in the morning, not even call in and truth is I think I would perfer that, at least I have served the opportunity to be selected as a juror. Instead of this call and wait system.

Anyways, it's 6:03 in the morning as I write this and I can only hear the raindrops hitting my window, and it reminds me an excerpt from a song my dad sang to me which I consider it to be my lullaby,"...Hear the whisper of the rain drops blowing soft against the window....." and I just want to ask everyone to actually take time, concentrate, relax, and enjoy the little things.

I do feel tired meaning I will get some sleep before the dentist so that's good.

Take care!

Sailboat

I came down to a realization today. My life story is far from being over. It's just the start if anything. I've always seen myself as a Jack Of All Trades type. Just a couple of hours ago I had my heart set on a plan but now I have no idea. I used to be going nowhere fast, and I was happy on the surface, but truth is I was trembling and shaking on the inside. Then, I had stages of my life being completely planned out. Well,  recently ( and by recently I mean like five minutes ago) that life is not supposed to be planned to the T. For every detail. I think I'll find my way :).

****FYI Sailboat was a metaphor for how the winds will take me anywhere. Lol sorry about any confusion.****

CHANGES

Recently I've found myself changing in personality. Whether the changes are trivial, or life changing only the future knows.

The first change I'm noting is that I am losing the value of my word, and I kind of like it. I took some comfort in that I was the guy who ALWAYS kept his promises, but I find myself making promises that I intentionally don't intend to keep. So if I make a promise, don't take it too seriously, for I am done making obligations to anyone.

The second is my tolerance, and respect for other people is diminishing at a quick rate. I used to be so supportive, understanding, if not respecting, but I'm losing grips of that. So if I seem short tempered that is why. Even more so I find myself a less forgiving and a more heartless person each day. I can't seem to find the good in everyone like I used to, I tend to try and find their pasts and make my own personal judgments about them.

 I am starting to show no signs of remorse for my actions. Someone close to me said I should go see a therapist for it, I honestly don't know if I will take that advice. For I, myself don't really believe in therapy, after two sessions Sr. Year, I found much more solace in my anti-depressants.

I am starting to feel very apathetic for the future. I could care less if the world ends tomorrow, because maybe I fear that I am going nowhere fast, and my dream of being a rich, successful, and famous actor is nothing but a pipe dream. Truth is my dream as out there and narcissistic, and maybe even greedy is to be an "A-list" celebrity. I'd invite TMZ and alike, I don't care. If the limelight burns, then I'd probably enjoy it.

PRISON MINISTRY

Were the words that I saw on a license plate frame. There was a word on the top half, but I couldn't make it out. However, the key words that stuck out are Prison Ministry.

This really brightened my day to see the two words together. In motion pictures,  or any form of popular art there is the narration or showing of some Religious acts in Prison. Specifically, the last rights before an execution.

Again it just kind of lifted my spirit or warmed my heart that in a prison there are still people trying to help those who have been forsaken by their fellow man. Not just Wardens, Administrators, Guards, and Prisoners who all share that one common area, the Prison itself.

I have had no doubt in my mind that there are a lot of careers that are rewarding, but I must say that I have not even seen this occupation as rewarding, maybe because it isn't the most popular or praised profession in the media. When was the last time you heard anything of Prison Ministry? Not likely, unless you are someone or close to someone who does this frame of work.

The reason it brightened my day is to know that everyone has a calling, everyone has a place in this world. Though they might not know what they want to do (cough me cough) it just kind of happens.

Growing up, I used to be so adamant about the idea of pre-destination. 

Now, I don't feel it as much, but rather that life is a mix of pre-destination (Fate) and determination (Drive).

This is feeding into the whole new feelings of confidence, and I find myself not worrying as much as I used to about the future (my closest people to me will cite that I spent a lot of time often worrying about things that haven't even happened, if they even happen).


Plus I think listening to Ahmir's version of "The Climb" while I am writing this also affirms my believe to have a drive.

Someone once told me I've always had the potential but not the drive, well recently (past couple of months I shifted to drive and I know I am going somewhere with my life.

New Feelings

So for those of you who don't know, I have some major self-confidence issues. 

That has changed. 

I realized yesterday that I am a good catch for a relationship. I consider myself as a keeper. I am not saying that I am God's gift to women, but I used to think so little of myself when it came to this subject but that is not how I feel now. 

On that topic, I am in no rush to get into a relationship. I have a new found appreciation for all the amazing people in my life so far. I am truly blessed for all the people I have in my life, past, present, and future. 

Another boost in self confidence came when I turned my transfer application for UCLA and UCSB. A couple of months ago, I would've laughed at someone if they were to say that I would apply for UCLA. 

A friend commented on how happy she is for me and how I have such high dreams, and that I am pursuing them. 

When it comes down to it, I have no idea on what I plan on doing, but I still want to chase my dreams of being an actor and a writer. 

It's just so weird a year ago, I was going nowhere fast, and on a slippery slope. 

On top of that it's also been a year since I started watching F.R.I.E.N.D.S. and I don't know it's like my favorite show now ha well of course other than Boy Meets World. 

I just feel so happy and confident about the future, this also is a new feeling.