Been haunted by a couple of dreams, one during the night, and one during a nap during the day.
Reminded me of people I left behind, and my life's real aspirations, please just show me the way.
Tired of doing all these 180's, tired of feeling discontent, tired of living by others' expectations.
Told all my life that I should not build on what is not there, but damn it is hard to get foundations.
Not going lie these cuts on my ego are reopening, and it looks like they cannot be stitched up.
I just want to be seen, examined, but not judged, I am in need of a mental observation and closeup.
People tell me they are listening and here for me, but I do not trust them as far as I can throw them.
I tried asking for guidance from up above, but I think I got a busy signal. Might as well just condemn.
Please do not pray for me, because I do not believe, save it for someone who is worth saving.
Tempted to drive too fast, tempted to drink this, to smoke that, just an unfulfilled craving.
Surrounded by people, I have a great support system, but truth is I never felt so alone.
People reading this might be saying, "He seemed so happy," but damn guess my cover is blown.
I try to keep a smile, I try to keep them laughing, but honestly they are not as genuine.
This may is a public venting session, but please do not regard this as a cry for attention.
It hurts to wonder about all the promises I made, now I am asking what is in it for me?
I do not want to think like this, so please do not get it twisted, I just want to let things be.
My pipe dreams, my crafts, my forms of therapy are something I really want to pursue.
But according to other people, according to our society, exactly what the hell I supposed to do?
I mean is it really time to just put up my pen and paper, my scripts, and my cameras for good?
No! I may have to let some things go, but not right now, I have to try, and just knock on wood.
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