So I realized I haven't made an entry in a long time. Well here's to resurrecting it. What better way to do it than to submit some of my writing in a few poems. I found out that some people are writing a poem a day an though I may be late to a party I guess I can recall to what I've been feeling the past few days so here it goes:
April 1st- The First of the Last.
First day of school, singing alone in my car.
Six years in the making, but man have I gone far.
Parked in the parking lot, an hour to spare.
Anxiety, feeling like I am running out of air.
Class starts. Class ends. On to the next one.
Class starts.
Sitting in the first classroom I sat in UCLA things are far too real.
Sitting next to a friend, mind wonders, reality is too much to deal.
Thought about the time it took to get here; four years to get here, two to stay.
Thought about the people, the experiences. Everything seems so far away.
Class ends. On to the next one.
Class starts.
In a much larger lecture hall I feel like a droplet in the sea of faces.
In a much larger lecture hall I think about all kinds of places.
Feeling abandoned, confused, lost, detached, and left alone.
Feeling trapped, imprisoned, lethargic, like I have never known.
Class ends.
Walking to the campus photography studio, giant line at the side of me.
Harsh reality kicked in, something that I did not expect to see.
I missed a vital deadline, one of my dreams was not coming true.
Time to a wake up, time to deal with it, what else could I do?
Met with my Peer Counselor.
Let everything out, you can trust her, just let everything go.
She listened and made me feel better, softened the blow.
Phone was charging, my phone was what I felt, dead.
Phone recharged so was I, no issue left unsaid.
Class starts. The final one of the day.
Professor's was calm, collected, smooth, soft, and strong.
Seeing some familiar faces, sitting next to a pal, felt like I belong.
Mind wonders again, taking sparse notes, mind comes back.
Vision gives out, for a moment, just for a moment, fade to black.
Class ends.
I picked up my course reader, and went back to school.
Rush of negative emotions feeling up, kept my cool.
I got in my car, and started it up. Hard times, but had some fun.
Started up my car, put on my music, drove out of the lot. First day was done.
April 2nd-Bulldozer
I went to drive to work. While passing cars, I knew this couldn't last.
Unlike the cars and traffic on the freeway, life was moving way too fast.
Parked my car, sat there for a while. I have felt this feeling many times before.
Tried to keep myself busy, this feeling never ever was easy to ignore.
Almost slipped on my way through the main door, hoping no one saw it.
Everyone saw it. Played it off as cool as I could, trying to show my best wit.
Halfway through my shift, I knew that this whole commuting wasn't going to work.
Thinking I had to make a big decision, but not wanting my life to stop a giant fork.
Got a few lectures from my boss. This is his job, though it may cut like a knife.
The decision is becoming clearer, I did not want to think about it. Such is life.
After my shit I went to talk to my counselor about graduation. One step closer.
The reality was setting in. Reality. Reality feels like an imposing bulldozer.
I messaged the people I needed to. I know that I have to cut leave,
It hurt, it hurt a lot to step down, to leave. but I have to believe.
I have to believe that everything truly does happen for a reason.
I have to believe that everything has its own season.
I got in my car, and I drove off. Before I knew it, I was on the freeway.
Little pockets of traffic, drive fast, drive slow, what else was there to say.
I exited the freeway, my mind somewhat cleared from the long drive home.
My mind started filling up, anxieties once again clouded my mental dome.
Hear some noises, saw man not much older than I am, collecting bottles from the trash.
My troubles seemed so small now, the bulldozer of reality gave me on more stinging lash.
Finished my drink, gave him an empty bottle, gave him a full one said it was a hot day.
He smiled, thanked me, wished each other a good one, his smile left nothing to say.
Filled up my tank and drove back to my house. Parents were out, it was eerily quiet.
Sat at the kitchen table, and thought about the negatives, I tried my best to fight.
Parents came in, I feigned a smile, that's all I could do.
Reality, the bulldozer, left me feeling broken and blue.
April 3rd-A New Dawn
Woke up after a few odd dreams. Mental residue, from the day before.
5:45 AM...time to go down and eat. Come on, get out of bed and open the door.
Ate breakfast, went up the stairs and felt sick, sat in bed. Felt like everything slowing down.
Trying my best to cheer up and let my hardships go, but I smile through the tears of a clown.
Wait, it's not just emotional, I feel really sick. My skin started to itch, so I started to scratch.
What could it be? The shift in the weather? The cold mornings, or just a bad batch?
Dad left for work, I told my mom that I was feeling sick, going to miss school.
The second day of the first week, it was way too soon to lose my cool.
I slept most of the day, annoyed, and irritated, I just wanted to be left alone.
Mom came home, I was cold, and made her cry. I felt cold to my last bone.
The issue was so small, she was not crying about me, but because of the issue.
Wish I would have just stepped up, hugged her, and handed her a clean tissue.
She deserves better, she did not deserve that. I apologized and we worked it all out.
Mind traveled back to the anxieties that I had, I had to deal with them without a doubt.
I knew what I had to do, I emailed my boss with my letter of resignation.
It hurt, but it truly is for the better, this was the destination.
I had to give up a lot in the past few days, everything was done.
There were no other possible ways, this was not easy nor fun.
I have to keep my head up, and keep moving forward. I have to move on.
I have to persevere, take everything with a grain of salt. There will be a new a dawn.
Okay, that's all for now. I hope you all have enjoyed these. Sorry, they aren't the best poems. I haven't written one in a while, but I needed to let some stuff out.
Take care everyone!
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